Who says work has to be all serious and no fun? We’ve all had those days where we could use a good laugh to get us through the never-ending meetings and endless backlog of emails. But sometimes, the best medicine for a long day at the office is a good dose of humor. That’s why we’ve rounded up a list of the funniest quotes about work that will have you laughing out loud and nodding your head in agreement.
From cracking jokes about deadlines to sarcastic quips about office politics, these quotes are sure to make you laugh and maybe even make your coworkers chuckle. So, grab your coffee and get ready to add some humor to your workday. Here are some of the best and funniest quotes about work that will have you nodding your head and saying, ‘Yes, that’s so true!’
Related: Funny Life Quotes | Inspirational Book Quotes
Funny Work Quotes
1. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” ― George Carlin
2. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ― Robert Orben
3. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ― Charles Lamb
4. “One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” ― Bertrand Russell
5. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” ― Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
6. “I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” ― Bill Gates
7. “I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.” ― Anonymous
8. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” ― Don Marquis
9. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” ― Douglas Adams
10. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” ― Edgar Bergen
11. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” ― Mark Twain
12. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” ― Dwight Schrute, The Office
13. “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” ― David Letterman
14. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” ― Sarah Brown
15. “An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.” ― William Castle
16. “Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” ― Sam Ewing
17. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” ― Mitch Hedberg
18. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” ― Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
19. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” ― Claude McDonald
20. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” ― Vince Lombardi
Funny Quotes About The Boss
21. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” ― Anonymous
22. “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” ― Doug Larson
23. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” ― Robert Frost
24. “Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.” ― Anonymous
25. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” ― John Gotti
26. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” ― Earl Nightingale
27. “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” ― Peter Drucker
28. “Powerpoints are the peaco*cks of the business world; all show, no meat.” ― Dwight Schrute, The Office
29. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” ― Dwight D. Eisenhower
Funny Co-worker Quotes
30. “Co-workers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” ― Anonymous
31. “Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!” ― Kevin Malone, The Office
32. “It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.” ― Alan Alda
33. “Working with lazy coworkers is a test of your patience, problem-solving skills, and ability to resist facepalming.” – Anonymous
34. “I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one.” ― Clarence Darrow
35. “I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt
36. “I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I’m probably at work.” ― Anonymous
37. “Lazy coworkers: the unsung heroes of office coffee breaks and extended lunch hours.” ― Anonymous
Funny Quotes About Work That Are Oh So Relatable
38. “If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’” ― Dave Barry
39. “Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.” ― Anonymous
40. “Getting paid to sleep … that’s my dream job.” ― Anonymous
41. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” ― A.A. Milne
42. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ― Oscar Wilde
43. “As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job: payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays and, of course, retirement.” ― Tom Goins
44. “Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” ― Anonymous
45. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” ― Drew Carey
46. “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” ― Anonymous
47. “The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.” ― Anonymous
48. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ― Jerome K. Jerome
49. “Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.” ― Anonymous
50. “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before. Try.” ― Jim Halpert, The Office
51. “I work hard all day. I like knowing that there’s going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.” ― Kevin Malone, The Office
52. “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.” ― Tori Filler
53. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” ― Robin Williams
Funny Monday Quotes
54. “Why is Monday so far away from Friday and Friday so close to Monday?” ― Anonymous
55. “Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
56. “I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday and 5% Friday.” ― Anonymous
57. “The shortest horror story: Monday.” ― Anonymous
58. “Don’t be a fool. Stop hating Mondays. Be a professional and hate the whole week!” ― Anonymous
59. “The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.” ― Anonymous
60. “Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.” ― Anonymous
